Take heart, fan. England's side might be entering the third Ashes Test already 2-0 down, but some remain in English cricket is disheartened. Exists one group ideally equipped for such a situation, a dedicated unit who are arguably the ultimate doomsday preppers. Are hopes dashed? Is the disappointment beneath the weight of crushing defeat? In that case, join the Barmy Army.
Already, their advance guard are gathering in Adelaide, the city where they first came together 30 years ago. England's iconic – and for their size most raucous – tourist followers will be hoping for an celebratory against-all-odds victory, reminiscent of the one they witnessed on that mid-90s tour. But whatever happens on the pitch, off it the revelries will be extensive and boisterous.
"The cricket's been extremely disappointing," he admits, "but we're the fortunate few, because we're on holiday. It's probably harder for the people at home."
Despite a dramatic batting collapse can't shake this band of battle-tested followers. They've been enduring England's innings meltdowns since earlier than many current players took the field. They've seen more spilled chances than key pacemen have career scalps. Their personal stats as an Ashes supporters' club is: a long history with more defeats than victories. Those who understand how to weather a whitewash, that would be the original supporters.
Without a doubt, for viewers at home, the Barmy Army do seem to be all over in this contest. Host broadcasters at the grounds frequently appear more interested in the Barmies than in their own fans. Broadcasters regularly use them as entertainment-focused buildup to a day's play. Remarkably the cricketers on the field are heralding them, with a supporter portraying a monarch starting a singing of a patriotic song.
Perhaps that the Barmy Army's dual effect of endurance and ubiquity has now masked quite how extraordinary their takeover of away support has been. Three decades ago a few travelling fans were united in comical self-deprecation at England's woeful away record. In the present day their legacy is so intertwined with the England cricket that their colourful, "unconventional" crowd is virtually an accepted institution. They've definitely come a far since the initial chants.
One founding member recalls the eager expectation of the opening day of that pioneering tour. With the Australians on top, he led a six-person conga in the stands, winding up the home fans with a song about historical figures. "Local crowds hurled abuse at us, then threw rubbish – the stuff that we still get today," he recalls. "However when we got back our little group of England followers had all taken part."
After a loss, England's tour continued to struggle. Any supporter travelling with the team around the country must have been slightly mad. By the time the later Tests their crowd had grown significantly. The players, however, genuinely enjoyed their presence at the grounds. When England managed a notable triumph, a senior player beckoned a supporter up to the players' area to lead the celebrations. Such camaraderie has endured.
Furthermore, the significant volume the Barmy Army can muster are as attractive to the sport as they are to host grounds. On this tour alone, their travel packages will host a significant contingent of supporters. A variety of events are planned for the 30th anniversary.
This is, ultimately, an group born of fan enthusiasm and business acumen. The explanation they trace their origin to a Adelaide game is because that was when they started selling souvenir shirts. The first small batch was so quickly sold out – and lucrative – that it launched a commercial operation. Over the years, the co-founders have helped turn a fan community into an respected sports tourism business.
That carries its own complexities, notably at a time when sport is looking to shed some of its boisterous image. The Barmy Army's management are keen to point out that a significant portion of their travelling fans are now female. As norms evolve, the chants have had to get cleaner, too. "Language that were acceptable 30 years ago you cannot utter today, and that's absolutely right," says a representative. "We can't tell someone how to behave within the confines of their seat, but we won't support songs that are insulting."
Could the Barmy Army become more sedate? The average supporter age is now in their fifth decade – mirroring the founders themselves, who have been happy to withdraw from the day-to-day running. One founder is experiencing this tour purely as a fan – leaving newer staff to manage the Barmy Army's social media. "It's easy to overlook how difficult it used to be to communicate with each other," he smiles. "We used to do it all by word of mouth – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
Regarding England's plight, the impossible dream of a historic comeback still lingers, which is typical of their spirit indeed. In the event England do lose in Adelaide … well, future travels looks nice.
A tech journalist and VR specialist with over a decade of experience covering emerging technologies and digital culture.