A Friend Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Is It Time to Distance Myself?

Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle disappeared then, since they had been focused solely on him. This surprised her. She made increased attention toward our bond, probably grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she was an excellent employee, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to offer advice, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I recently returned from a month there she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Next is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings belong to you, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject all you say, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might start out defensively before reflecting on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides closure that you've been honest with her.